Scarlet Dimensions

I can’t believe this. But I’ve finally lost the impacts of my memories. Destroyed it all. I lost my heart, and i can’t even make myself smile or frown. Anyhow, as my senior life finall begins, i am slowly walking on to a new chapter of my life.

I’m standing on a dumb crossroad. I still haven’t gathered d

Why is it always the misuse of words?

I don’t know, but now, I can’t, i mustn’t face another rejection. I’m going insane, my mind developing weird systems, identities that aren’t considered normal. Psychosis, psychopath, like hell i don’t know what is developing within me. But if is there one thing i must prevent, it is hatred.

I need someone to stop me. Someone to reach within me. I don’t care who or how, but i got to be saved, fast. But would someone care?

Living with my intentions turned out to be more harsh than what i’ve even though. The, my world is turning hostile. Not one intention matches with every society i enter, and i become more wrecked everytime i get out on such.

I want to contradict Ken’s statement, even though he is right firsthand. Trying to live being completely different will get me nowhere, nor i will survive with it. I want to create then a new society of my own, but i’m not even in the position to do it! And I don’t have the strength to do it. I want to have someone by my side then, but who? How? I know the solutions, but to reach it is a risk, because destroying everything i formed in this life would be destroyed.

I am not in the position to fight this hostility and solitude, and i don’t know whether I would still remain who i am before i’m done falling into this hell.

i can’t take suicide, because that would be fully giving up… I want to begin fighting, but no one would try to teach me, or at least give me the strength to do so.

I don’t want this demon within to fully possess me.

I need aid. I need someone who cares. To stop what i’m doing to myself. And fast…

I need a new life. I need help.

I need a friend.

no matter how loud i shout, cry, scream, no one dared to listen. In their eyes, i’m wrong and they are right.

i don’t know how to continue. but upon this pouring rain, my time is at last ticking.

how could I use this to my full advantage?

What a silly timing for me, thinking of making an online novel while I am doing other things. i only hope that I would see the goddamned purpose upon this.

School year 2007-2008 is coming to an end. And many things are coming to fruition. now, after the final day comes, Recognition day that is, i have to make a decision. I don’t know if i will be a player or an instrument in a predestined event or so, but still, it is still my choice to decide what I’m going to do next. And either choice holds a blur result… i don’t know what will happen, if i was meant to really take on a journey or not. Do i have to move to another school once more, or should i remain in Divine and live what i’ve earned? the moving will hold a greater compensation, and i myself don’t have a reason that will urge me to move to another school. I have what i wished, but not what i truly wished for. A True Friend, someone who knows how to see thru me, knows how to care, to be there, and to stop me. Yes, i wanted to be stopped by my insanity of running away.

All the chances that i dreamt of having are here, but all for one compensation: a friend. Yes, i have many companion, but i never had one who decides to remain beside me when the day is finally over. the other schools i went to, I have great friends there, but chances and choices are scarce, and the storm is strong upon those societies. Now, i have to make a decision, to finish what i have begun. Either to continue my journey or to continue my life here on divine…

Continuing the journey would be a much harsher choice, because it requires a heavy compensation. I would lose almost all my chances to living my dream, in exchange for pursuing that goal. the road would be quite harsh: threading it would require effort, stamina, and survival. and there is even a high risk that i would never find what i wanted. But still, is it worth the risk?

I have to make a decision. Then, a plan. I have the whole summer to pull this out, and the whole school year to fight. I am, after all, going to be a Senior…

Many things have been bugging quite a while now, after I was able to finish my clearance that is… I’ve been shock by the emptiness that came my way, the rest, the whole hell nothing-to-do… And besides, I’ve observed that i needed more rest than before…

The world is going on a terrible pace. I’ve seen a pattern with today’s cultures, history, and Nostradamus’ prophecies. If i was right, the world is reversing its events. I remembered alchemy. Light goes up, darkness goes down. If what was collected of history was the light side of the world’s life, nowadays are the dark side. Deterioration. From the appreciation of the colors of light to the appreciation of the colors of darkness, of black. Prophecies more need not be told, because earth will go through once again the events, in a different and reverse order.

And not only that, the chaos has gone from external to internal. Self-destruction. If cities, countries fought with each other (external), then now, many with fight with themselves. Wars, if there are, will be done either the same way or done within, like a war in silence. The coming of the antichrist soon is probably matched as well with the times of christ before, on the same time before the end. If you know Nostradamus’ prophecy of aliens said to be uniting with humans, that can also be match to the falling of the asteriod, with instead of the emergence of mammals is now the emergence of dinosaurs, if you could call it that way. I don’t even know if i’m right. But if i’m right, will the world be able to see that shall become of them?

to be continued…